This story comes third hand, but I have a great deal of confidence in its veracity. Sitting on a diner stool, sharing fried pickles with ranch dressing, friend Leah shared the following gem. The friend who shared this with me knows a couple that I also know from college. This couple has a couple-friend to whom the following event really happened. This second couple also went to the same college we did, and therefore are inherently believable. If this can be believed:
So this couple lives in (small Middle Tennessee town). They keep a boa constrictor as a pet. Yes, as a pet! Sleeps in the bed with them--pet! They decided something was not right with the boa constrictor, so they take him to the vet. The vet asks what's going on with the snake, and they answer that he is "acting weird." Meaning? He's stopped eating for the last two days. And at night, he normally sleeps curled up at the foot of the bed, but lately he has been stretching out at full length between the woman and her husband. The vet responds by telling them the time has come to get rid of the pet. Get rid of the pet! Why? BECAUSE HE'S ABOUT TO EAT YOU! The vet responds. WHEN BOA CONSTRICTORS STOP EATING, IT MEANS THEY'RE PREPARING TO DIGEST A REALLY LARGE KILL. AND BY STRETCHING OUT FULL LENGTH, HE'S MEASURING YOU TO SEE IF HE CAN REALLY INGEST ALL OF YOU.
Editorial comment: At least they haven't allowed their affection for the pet to cloud their better judgment (?) and they got rid of him.
I believe the word you are looking for here is wha?